Opening My Eyes To Different Experiences and 'Norms'
I have to admit this. I grew up pretty sheltered. The more I’m on the parenting subreddit and on other parenting social media groups (or generational groups), the more diverse communities and experiences I see. For example, one woman on a subreddit was confused as to why I thought it was weird that her mother-in-law was 51 with a grandchild. In my circle, someone who is 51 - basically six years my senior - probably just dropped her oldest off at university and still has one or two high school kids (or maybe even middle schoolers) at home. It’s just not “normal” for those of us who have a degree or two and a busy job. On the other hand, she thought I was weird to be nearly 45 with a kid in entering Grade 1! I’ve seen the same in the Xennial groups I’m part of on Facebook (though they tend to be nicer about the differences).
I would say that the age factor isn’t the only thing I’ve seen (okay, read). The Asian Parent Stories subreddit, which I wrote about back in June, for example, would also include where the writer lives and/or where their parents are from, age of the writers and education level (especially of the parents). I’ve noticed in the subreddit that those with parents who barely went to high school tend to face bigger challenges, especially if the parents do not speak English/the language of the country the family emigrated to. The lack of education and the education gap between the children (regardless of age) and their parents cause more toxicity due to the likely ignorance of the parents. It’s sad, to be honest. Education level also plays a role (IMHO, anyway) on parenting groups.
And this leads to my sheltered experience. Growing up, everyone around me was expected to go to university. As far as I know, all of us did. Most of us finished in four years (or five for those who did co-op). Now that we’re middle aged, most of us work in offices (whether it be an actual office or a home office), save for a few who chose to be stay-at-home parents. Most of us have at least one parent with a university degree, including those of us with immigrant parents. Growing up, most of us lived in suburban homes with backyards. We had bikes and most of the things kids growing up in the 80s and 90s had (think Cabbage Patch Kids and things like that). It’s just how it is for us. And I assumed that it was “normal.” I probably came across several people who were the first in their family to go to a four year institution when I was an undergrad, but it’s likely I didn’t know because I didn’t ask (nor did they as me).
It’s really weird since I read about people who do not have the kind of education I have in media (real media), especially with the upcoming election in the US. But these aren’t the type of people I see/interact with in real life. Facebook groups and subreddits are a whole different story. Not only are you interacting with them virtually, they seem more “real” (especially Facebook). I don’t feel shocked/surprised when read articles in magazines or newspapers or see them on TV. However, it’s quite the opposite when you’re talking to them. I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I find it really shocking, and I’m sure they feel the same way about me.
I’m not judging these people. I’m just saying how it was for me. And I’m sure they think it’s the same about me. I’m sure they’ve never “met” anyone who is a child of immigrants, yet have well-educated parents who are fluent in English. I’m guess I’m a rarity (as are the kids of immigrant peers I grew up around) - at least according to the DEI crowd and media - but hey, that’s just the part of what diversity should be, right? And yes, we have a public voice too. Or should.