I’m a subscriber to
‘s Substack, “Culturally Enough.” Recently, she posted an article discussing culture clashes and values between you and your elder or other family members, especially if you’re from a collectivist culture where elders are to be respected and you’re never supposed to. At the end, she asks:Write down the three most important values in your ethnic-cultural community. Then write down three important values in your host culture.
But is “host culture” a proper or even PC term? I’m personally a bit uncomfortable calling Anglo-Canadian culture my “host” culture or Canada itself as my “host country.” I’m not an expat, after all. I was born and bred here (and to be honest, the term is dangerous because it marks some groups, particularly Asians, as perpetual foreigners. That’s not a good thing), and since Canada is so large, what IS the host culture for, say, Toronto, anyway? I don’t even think we truly have one. Not anymore, anyway. We have so many ethnic neighbourhoods, both in the city proper and in its surrounding suburbs. Sure, many, especially the immigrant and sometimes even the immediate generation after, stick with those areas (seriously, you can spend a week, or even a month in Markham and only hear Chinese), but it doesn’t mean that there aren’t people who are cultural integrated, even as immigrants themselves.
Yes, I have had clashes with my parents regarding, say, parenting (especially on how to address the issue of donor conception) and I DO understand traditional Confucian values that are part of many East Asian cultures, but are my parents REALLY that traditional? I’d say no. At least not looking back at my childhood with my 44, almost 45 year old eyes. When I was little, yes, I did want to have that meatloaf or casserole that some of my classmates ate at dinner (we DID eat steamed meat pies with mushrooms, so I guess that comes close), but I also grew up going to regular, so-called “mainstream” North American activities like birthday parties at McDonald’s or Pizza Hut (am I crazy to say that I liked Pizza Hut birthdays more?). And basement parties at home where I invited all the girls in my grade were great too. Having now had experiences hosting birthday parties for a child, I’d take the all-inclusive venue (ones that include cake are a plus) over a home party when the child is under, say, nine, any day! Once they enter the tween years, all you really need is a movie, pizza and cake. You save A LOT of money if it’s a small group of, say, five to eight kids. Since we ate burgers or pizza at my parties, would that mean that I was PART of the mainstream? My family was, after all, doing the same thing everyone else was doing. The cake wasn’t even from a Chinese bakery most years. I love ice cream, so it was often a Baskin-Robbins cake (we weren’t a DQ family).
Since I had pretty much a “typical” North American childhood, which, yes, included sleepaway camp, am I actually ATYPICAL of a child whose parents are immigrants? Am I ATYPICAL because my parents speak English fluently and at least somewhat understand “mainstream culture?” Where do I fit in? Is English Canada then, not a “host culture” for me because of that? IS there such a thing as a “host culture” when you live in Toronto? Or New York? Does the region you’re from make a difference? And if I were to move to another part of the country (say, Calgary, Alberta (aka “Cow Town” since they have a strong rodeo culture)), wouldn’t that be my host culture, since I’m not originally from there, despite being in the same country? In fact, I asked my husband the same question. He’s Jewish, so also not Anglo-Protestant. To him, calling mainstream Canadian culture the “host culture” is just plain weird. Maybe even offensive (my words, not his).
While I know that I’m to respect my elders in a way that Anglo-Protestants and their adjacent cultures don’t typically follow, most boomers in my immediate family at lest somewhat understand that their Canadian born/raised children would be a lot more individualistic, that they’re not going to follow every single tradition from their heritage culture (heck, even people back in the old world aren’t necessarily doing so! ). And that’s even if boundaries are harder to set. If they have issues with it, despite having been in the country for decades, then, where have they been all those years? Why didn’t they talk to their children when they were young? Or did their kids not want to talk to them because they felt the parents were too strict. I get that for some, language can be a problem, as it was between my grandmother and me. Why I didn’t go to my parents first, I don’t know. But that, along with a story of me “rediscovering my heritage” will be a post for another day.
If you’re a child of immigrants, do you consider yourself part of the community you were born in more or your ancestral community? Or is it a bit of both? And what does “ancestral community” mean to you? For me, I lean more mainstream (whatever that means in Toronto-speak), probably in a 75-25 sort of way. I can’t escape Hong Kong culture, it’s part of me, it’s around me, I still speak survival Cantonese and can make simple Chinese and Chinese-like dishes. However, I can’t say that I’m fully culturally a Hong Konger nor can I say that I’m culturally Chinese - unless you mean CBC (Canadian Born Chinese. And even in THAT situation, it can be extremely diverse, depending on when your family arrived, where they’re from and where YOU live. And what generation you are. Like my son is second generation CBC (well, half CBC) since I, too, was born here. It doesn’t matter that he’s donor-conceived and I have no clue whether his genetic Chinese half is Canadian born or not). I know enough from a historical perspective, but it’s kind of outsider-ish with bits of lived experiences from family. That’s pretty much it. And I’d say that most more recent immigrants to Canada/those who are part of “other” (i.e. not Anglo-Protestant if you’re in English Canada) would say the same.
I lived in one country age 0-8, another age 8-23, and a third 23+. I’ve never really used the term “host culture”, but if I did, I would apply it to the one I moved to at age 23 and not the one I moved to at age 8. The age 8-23 country is the one I consider my home country because the 0-8 one I don’t really remember much about, even though that’s where my parents were born. So it seems super strange to me that someone born and living in the same country would need to think of it as their host country.