As an only child and mom to an only, I really don’t understand why people ask whether my son’s lonely. He isn’t. I wasn’t. Many of us, in fact, learn how to play independently and find really creative ways to do so. It’s great! I had to leave a Facebook group recently because rather than celebrate being One and Done, I found that the group was filled with women (I’ve NEVER seen guys post - unless they only do so anonymously) who complain about being on the fence. It was getting tiresome!
I offered my own advice, having grown up playing by myself. Sure, I was disappointed on days playdates didn’t work out, but the posts about being unsure persisted. It was getting so tiresome that I just had to leave. Like, make up your mind, hon! And if it wasn’t being on the fence, they’d complain about people asking them when the second kid was coming. Just give them a lecture about fertility treatments or your health and they’ll shut up. Because most people don’t want to hear those stories.
Anyway, having grown up an only, and being a One and Done Mom, I’m seeing similarities with my son. Jr. Mintz is perfectly fine playing on his own. Sometimes, I’d see him sitting at his table, colouring, or playing with his trucks and dinosaurs in his room. Maybe he’s on the iPad, playing on a literacy app that all the kids in his class use for supplementary learning. Or reading a book. He isn’t dependent on other people playing with him. Of course, he’s happy when he has a playdate too.
Like him, I loved art when I was his age (sorry, I wasn’t able to find a pic of me in the middle of creating something…. For Christmas one year, Santa got me a really cool Crayola set that came with poster paints, crayons, markers, water colours and more. It was in a carrying case. It remains one of my favourite Christmas presents. More than any Cabbage Patch Kids or the Barbie swimming pool (consolation prize to a Dream House???) I got when I was four. Definitely more than books (and I loved books growing up. Especially Little House (I really wanted to churn butter…I finally got to make homemade butter during the pandemic, but I didn’t churn it like the Ingallses - I used a food processor). And the Babysitters Club series). There were days you’d find me painting. And I had a huge rayon collection. I think I spent a lot of my allowance money on art supplies (or BSC/Sweet Valley/Little House books)!
Speaking of Little House, the other fun thing I did growing up was to play Pioneer Teacher. Now, you may wonder, why is this child of Hong Kong immigrants playing PIONEER TEACHER, pretending that she was Laura Ingalls? Didn’t she want to look at someone who, you know, looked like her? Well, it didn’t matter to me. I didn’t care that people who looked like me probably didn’t live in the midwest (early Chinese immigrants…actually, they weren’t immigrants, but migrant workers…were mostly men). I could pretend, right? It’s like how they cast the musical Hamilton or Netflix show, Bridgerton. This is why I still think seeing people who “look” like you in movies/television/books is more of a “nice to have.” I tell people that Claudia Kishi in the Babysitters Club is Asian, but I couldn’t relate to her as much as I could to Stacey McGill (because we both have (different) health conditions. Stacey had Type 1 while I have epilepsy). Stacey is a white, blonde girl. It’s really hard for some people to get where I’m coming from.
But back to pioneer teacher. I wasn’t allowed to use chalk indoors, so my parents got me a dry erase white board instead. Even though dry erase boards didn’t exist at the time the REAL Laura Ingalls was teaching. I just pretended. And rather than teaching my dolls and stuffed animals, I had imaginary students. More fun that way! I even used my REAL schoolbooks as “textbooks!” And if you’re wondering, I DID fail some imaginary kids. Another game I played on my own was “pretend high school.” I used the hall closet as a “locker” and played the student with an imaginary teacher. I was probably nine and only knew what high school was like from TV. Now, was REAL high school anything like how I imagined it? LOL!!! Not really. I mean, I went to a girls-only high school. And learned very quickly that REAL girls only schools aren’t AT ALL like Eastland in The Facts of Life. For one, kids of different grade levels don’t room together! Of course, every girls’ school has its Jo, Blair, Tootie and Natalie. But that’s to be expected.
Anyway, I really don’t understand/can’t relate to how people think that onlies could ever be lonely. Maybe some are, but there are also people with siblings who just can’t get along with them. And what of those with huge age differences? Plus you don’t have to argue with your siblings on how your elderly parents should receive care. You make the decisions yourself.
What are your thoughts? Do you think onlies are more creative and independent? Are you an only child (or have huge age gaps between your sibling(s))? Did you like it growing up?
HAHA this is partly why I can't stand facebook groups! Good for you for honoring your boundary and thanks for sharing the beauty of being a very happy only child raising an only! I also LOVED babysitters club books and same--could not relate to Claudia as much. But now I wonder how they were so young and babysitting people's kids and wonder if I would ever let a 11 yo babysit my kid! :)
My son is an only child. I am an older mom and I had PCOS and a miscarriage 2 years after my son was born. I feel bad that we didn't have a sibling for him, but he seems happy the way he is. He is independent, yet he has his own friends. He is ok with his own company and has so many interests. I think only children have a close bond to their parents than children with siblings, it's a different dynamic. He likes being an only child and he would tell others that when he was younger. He can't imagine having a sibling because this is what he knows. There are no guarantees that there will be a close relationship with your siblings either. There can be joy and heartache with siblings. I am the middle of 3 and my husband is youngest of 5. Having 1 works for us. It's a gift, being a mother that I didn't even think I would have