Mr., Mrs., Ms., Miss and...Master?
Language is so important. As part of my job in the NHS I have been sending some letters today to the parents of newborn babies. 👶
They are template letters so I can’t change the wording but I wish I could. It’s 2025 and young males are still being addressed as ‘master’ whilst young females are ‘miss’.
Could we dispense with the destructive notion that young males (even those that have just been born) are ‘masters’? Setting this precedent so early is a ‘master’ stroke (pun intended) of the patriarchy. Time to stop this labelling. Time to start as we mean to go on.
I always knew that the term “Master” was used for young boys (my teacher in Grade 1 taught us this) and actually considered using for wedding invitations, but my other half didn’t understand why I wanted to. I said that it was just a formal way to address young boys, especially when we were going to use “Miss” for all girls who haven’t yet finished high school. We never really debated it and to be honest, I don’t really remember what we used at all. Just that we didn’t use the old fashioned “Mr. and Mrs. Husband’s First Name Last Name.”
I’m not sure I’d completely agree with Rebecca on her note I think all children should have their own designated title for formal invitations (e.g. weddings and bar/bat mitzvahs). It’s weird to address kids, especially those who are still eligible to order off the children’s menu as Mr. or Ms. - even if you sometimes jokingly use it on your child (as we do!). They need proper honourifics. But then again, you’re talking to someone who wanted to be presented as a debutante when she was much younger, to my parents’ dismay. I never really asked, but I’m 100% sure they thought I was some sort of freak. At the same time, adult females have several honourifics to choose from - if they’re unmarried, they can STILL choose to be Miss should they want to. Males are only “Master” when they can still order those chicken fingers and fries meals that come with a scoop of ice cream for dessert. And women, unlike men, have historically had two different honourifics which show the marital status. Guys have always had just “Mr.” These days, most women opt for “Ms.” At least those my age or younger.
Of course, there are those who think we should get rid of all honourifics and just use one’s given name. I don’t know how I feel about this. I think we DO need SOMETHING. I still can’t wrap my head around kids addressing me by my first name. However, it seems that everyone is doing it and that’s the only reason I allow this. Many years ago (before I started writing on Substack), I wrote about hating being called “Auntie Cynthia” by kids of people of my heritage (as is the custom), even though I’m not a close friend or relative and that I’d much prefer Ms. Cheng Mintz or Ms. Cynthia. I don’t think it got a lot of traction since there were no comments.
This difference in belief (as in the usage of “master” for young boys) between Rebecca and myself is likely cultural. Rebecca is from the UK where, according to her, “Ms.” is hardly used at all. Here in Canada, Ms. is EVERYWHERE. If you’re a woman over 18, you’re probably Ms. Unless, of course, you’re a Dr. So-and-so. But that is something earned and knows no gender (I’m not even going to bring the use of Mx. (honorific used for those who are non-binary) since it’s not about that). In a day-to-day professional setting, one should probably stick with Mr. and Ms., with kids being on a first name basis, but if you want to do something more formal, I see no issue with “Master” and “Miss” for the chicken fingers and fries set.
What are your thoughts?
As someone from a different culture, I really struggled with this in Canada. In Texas, everyone is ma’am and sir, regardless of age, even tiny children, unless you are the same age and already friends. The surface level of politeness papers over a lot of racism and prejudice, but it also maintains and constructs a certain level of respect. I miss it. Here, a (Black) preschool teacher took me aside and old me not to teach it to my kids. She understood where I come from it’s a mark of respect, but here, she said, it smacks of slavery (like master) and she’s sure that’s not what I meant. So I stopped. The kids learned to say Mr. and Ms. but never ma’am or sir.
For Anglos in Texas, titles are all about relationships. Aunt or Auntie are reserved for relatives of your parents’ generation or older, or *lifetime* friends of your parents. Friends, neighbors, church and community members are Miz or Mr. First name. Note I say Miz, which is how Miss is pronounced in TX. Ms. is neither here nor there. Mrs. first name is occasionally used, but not as often. sometimes Mrs. is followed by the husband’s work title (eg Mrs. Preacher), though that’s been dying out since the 80s. Mr. or Mrs. Surname is used with everyone else. By my childhood, Master was only used on formal invitations, never spoken. Miss (Miz) is still used frequently with very young girls. I used to direct the children’s choirs at my church, and there’s a lot of people that still refer to me as Miz C (which conveniently works for both names) and someone will correct them and tease it’s Dr. C now, don’t you know.
And back to Canada, when I returned from marrying over Xmas break 2005-6, my students collectively switched from Prof. Cain to Mrs. Cain in acknowledgment. I told them they were welcome to call me Mrs. Gogoladze (and spelled it), but that I was not Mrs. Cain. Not surprisingly everyone quickly switched back to Prof. Cain.